Whare are the Roles of Dysfunctional Families?
Everyone talks about the idea of nature versus nurture—how much of who we are is shaped by our biology, and how much by our environment. We are often said to be born as blank slates, carrying only the raw potential of who we might become. From the moment we're born, the way we are nurtured—our family dynamics, parenting styles, cultural influences, and early experiences—begins to shape that potential. These environmental factors can play a powerful role in determining the kind of role we take within our family system. Whether we become the golden child, the peacemaker, the rebel (or black sheep), or the parentification, much of it can be traced back to how we were raised and what was expected of us in our early relationships. While our genetics may lay the groundwork, it's the nurturing we receive that often defines how we relate to others and understand our place in the world.
The Golden Child
Being the golden child in a household that is unequal can be both a privilege and a burden. On the surface, the golden child is often praised, favored, and held up as the example for others to follow. They may receive more attention, resources, or affection, and are often seen as the one who can "do no wrong." However, this role can come with unrealistic expectations and intense pressure to maintain perfection or uphold the family’s image. In an unequal household, the golden child’s status often comes at the expense of other siblings, who may be overlooked, unfairly criticized, or forced into scapegoat roles. This dynamic can create deep divides within the family, leading the golden child to feel isolated, guilty, or conflicted, especially if they begin to recognize the unfairness of their position. Ultimately, while the golden child appears to benefit from favoritism, the emotional toll of being idealized can be just as damaging as being ignored.
The Peacemaker
The peacemaker in an unequal household often takes on the role of mediator, constantly trying to diffuse tension and maintain harmony within a family marked by conflict or imbalance. This person may feel responsible for soothing others’ emotions, keeping siblings from fighting, or calming a volatile parent—frequently at the cost of their own needs and feelings. Over time, the peacemaker can begin to suppress their emotions, believing that their worth lies in keeping everyone else stable. They may struggle with boundary-setting, people-pleasing, or conflict avoidance in adulthood, fearing that any disagreement could lead to emotional chaos. While they might be seen as “the strong one,” the internal strain of constantly putting others first can lead to anxiety, burnout, or a lack of identity outside their caretaker role. In unequal households, the peacemaker learns early on to prioritize peace over authenticity, which can make self-expression and emotional honesty feel unsafe or unfamiliar later in life.
The Rebel (Black Sheep)
The rebel or black sheep in an unequal household is often the one who challenges the family’s dynamics, either by acting out, questioning authority, or simply not fitting into the mold expected of them. This person is frequently blamed for problems, misunderstood, or labeled as “difficult,” regardless of whether their behavior is a response to deeper issues within the family system. In households where favoritism exists—such as with a golden child—the black sheep often becomes the scapegoat, carrying the weight of the family's unspoken tensions and dysfunctions. This can lead to feelings of rejection, low self-worth, and emotional isolation. Over time, the rebel may internalize the belief that they are inherently flawed or unlovable, which can impact their relationships, self-image, and mental health well into adulthood. Yet ironically, the black sheep is often the most aware of the family’s problems and may be the one most willing to break generational patterns, even if it means enduring the pain of being pushed to the margins.
The Parentified Child
The parentified child in an unequal household is the one who, often out of necessity, takes on adult responsibilities at a young age—caring for siblings, managing household duties, or even providing emotional support to a parent. This role typically emerges in dysfunctional or emotionally imbalanced family systems, where one or both caregivers are unable or unwilling to fully fulfill their parental role. The parentified child learns to suppress their own needs and emotions in order to care for others, often receiving praise or approval for their maturity while silently carrying a heavy emotional load. Over time, this dynamic can lead to chronic anxiety, burnout, and difficulty recognizing or meeting their own needs. As adults, parentified children may struggle with codependency, have trouble trusting others to care for them, or feel guilty when they try to set boundaries or prioritize themselves. While they are often seen as strong and capable, their inner world is frequently marked by emotional exhaustion and a deep longing for the childhood they never got to fully experience.
What to do with the roles?
Identifying your place in the family system is an essential step toward developing healthy, balanced relationships, and this process is often best supported with the help of a mental health professional. Many people unknowingly carry roles from childhood—such as the golden child, the parentified child, the peacemaker, or the rebel—into their adult lives. These roles may have helped them cope within an unequal or dysfunctional household, but over time, they can lead to unhealthy relationship patterns, difficulty setting boundaries, or a distorted sense of self. A therapist can help uncover how these roles were formed, how they continue to affect your behavior and emotional well-being, and guide you toward healthier ways of relating to others. With professional support, individuals can begin to unlearn these patterns, build self-awareness, and create relationships that are grounded in mutual respect, emotional safety, and authenticity—rather than outdated survival roles.
The roles we take on within a family—such as the golden child, the scapegoat, the peacemaker, or the parentified child—can deeply affect the way we relate to one another, often creating resentment, distance, and long-standing misunderstandings. These roles, formed as coping mechanisms in unequal or dysfunctional family systems, can lead to fractured relationships, with some family members feeling unseen, unheard, or unfairly burdened. Over time, these unspoken dynamics can become entrenched, making healthy communication and connection difficult. Reunification family therapy offers a path toward healing by helping family members identify these roles, understand how they have contributed to the disconnection, and work toward rebuilding trust and empathy. With the support of a trained mental health professional, families can begin to break unhealthy patterns, learn new ways of relating, and create a more balanced, emotionally safe environment where each person feels valued and understood.
Reunification Family Therapy
Reunification family therapy is a specialized form of therapy designed to help estranged or disconnected family members rebuild trust, improve communication, and heal relational wounds. It is particularly useful in situations where long-standing conflicts, misunderstandings, or rigid family roles—like the scapegoat, golden child, or parentified child—have created deep divisions. Over time, these roles can lead family members to view one another through fixed, often unfair lenses, making it difficult to see the person outside of the part they were expected to play. Reunification therapy works by bringing these patterns to light in a safe, structured setting with the guidance of a trained mental health professional. The goal is not to assign blame, but to foster empathy, validate individual experiences, and help each person understand how these roles have affected the entire family system. Through this process, families can begin to shift old narratives, break dysfunctional patterns, and form healthier, more authentic relationships based on mutual respect and emotional safety.
At Joyful Horizons Counseling, we work closely with families to rebuild relationships and walk together on the path toward healing. Our compassionate approach helps family members reconnect, communicate, and grow stronger together. We’re proud to serve the communities of Lakewood and Centennial, offering support where it’s needed most.